I’ve been thinking a lot about mindset.
Not only was this the topic of a recent blog post and a fantastic conversation with my friend and colleague, Nozomi Morgan on LinkedIn Live. What I also realized is how – and how much – my own mindset has changed over the last three years, significantly enhancing my interactions with people, helping my clients, and my overall sense of well-being.
However, the question to which the answer has been eluding me is this: How can we effectively change something so abstract, hard to define, and even harder to pin down as a mindset?
Or to use a somewhat crude analogy: How can we examine the skin of a writhing eel if the fish keeps wriggling and slipping through our fingers?
When you ask somebody on the street about their “mindset,” you will probably get mostly blank stares. Even if circumstances are more clearly defined, such as a specific conflict with a colleague or relations with leadership, people will find it hard to articulate their mindset about these issues.
What makes mindsets so fiendishly difficult to capture is that we struggle to put them into words. (After all, language has been shown to shape the way we view the world.) Consequently, we are largely unaware of them, even though they constantly and subliminally affect how we relate to ourselves, others, and external circumstances.
So, how can we capture the proverbial eel and examine its skin? Or, in other words, how do we boil a mindset down to something more tangible, more concrete, and more easily articulated that we can then address and help people change?
Drawing on the work of Chris Argyris in the early 1990s, as well as Kegan & Lahey and Dweck in the 2000s, I have found that a mindset can, in effect, be seen as a function of our assumptions. As such, it’s important to understand mindset not a reflection of reality or an accurate representation of the world; rather, it’s a way we choose to view and interact with reality based on certain beliefs.
The beauty is that assumptions can easily be captured by asking,
What is it that you believe to be true about [yourself/others/your situation/etc.]?
Asking clients this question is a powerful technique that quickly gets to the bottom of a problem. After all, the awareness of how our assumptions shape the way we approach an interaction, situation, or circumstance allows us to articulate and tackle them actively, one by one.
For example, clients may say, “[I believe that] my colleague is lazy and incompetent and doesn’t seem to want to be here,” or that “my boss has no idea what I’m doing all day and how hard I’m working.” Consequently, they may feel angry, disengaged, contemptuous, or lack trust in their team’s ability to perform at a high level.
Being aware of the components that make up one’s mindset is only the first step, though. The next and equally critical move is to turn assumptions upside down by questioning their ‘truth’ by asking,
What would happen if you assumed [the opposite]? How would this change how you see or feel about [this situation]?
The point here is not to ignore facts or eschew reality, but to open the door to exploring other possibilities and ask better questions that lie hidden behind a veil of often negative assumptions.
Examples
For instance, someone with impostor syndrome might assume that they are not an expert on a topic and, therefore, should not be the one giving an important presentation to a group of leaders. To do just that, ask, “What would happen if I assumed that I am an expert and deserve to be the one presenting? How would that make me feel? How would this change the way I answer questions and relate to those in the room?”
Similarly, what might happen if a leader who complains about a “lazy” employee allegedly unwilling to do their best work asks, “What if that employee isn’t lazy and is trying to do the best they can? How would this affect my interaction with them?”
How Clients Might Respond
The leader from the example above might now wonder what else could be going on because the employee or team in question is obviously not doing a great job. Where there may previously have been only a wall of resentment or exasperation, the leader may decide to find an avenue for a casual, non-threatening, and open conversation to ask their employees how they are doing, only to discover, for example, that one is dealing with a chronically ill child who has been in and out of the hospital, while another has had a negative experience with a similar project in the past that now triggers them.
As a result, the leader may try to find ways to support their people better (while also reminding them of the importance of quality work). Alternatively, they may discover that an employee really does have a miserable attitude, dislikes the work culture, and loathes the tasks assigned to them. In that case, they may not be the best fit for the job and might benefit from exploring other opportunities.
Naturally, this technique applies to anyone whose mindset stands in the way of success, reaching their full potential, or navigating a contentious situation.
By creating an avenue through which clients can, at the very least, entertain alternative realities and be temporarily open to new ways of knowing and thinking, coaches can crack open the door to shifting entire mindsets one question and assumption at a time.
As with most things in life, this technique requires practice and the ability to stop, pause, and notice what assumptions are driving an imminent reaction, then articulate and turn them into ‘what-if’ scenarios, and finally decide to act on the latter. None of this is easy, especially when emotions are heightened, deadlines loom, and a history of strained relationships taints the prospect of yet another contentious interaction.
But when we help clients take a moment to reflect before entering a difficult situation and approach whatever challenge looms with a more open mind, we give ourselves the option to respond more appropriately, rather than react blindly and instinctively based on “facts” we have already decided to be true.
I’m convinced that everyone’s interactions will be richer and more productive for it.
In a nutshell:
Assumptions are more concrete and easier to articulate, while a mindset is highly abstract and intangible. Therefore, we tackle mindset shifts by expressing assumptions first and then asking “what if?” questions to explore alternative ways of viewing a problem, situation, or interaction.
- ask: “What is it that I believe to be true about myself/others/my situation/etc?”
- then ask: “What would happen if I believe/assume that…?” [positive]
Strategy: Have conversations with yourself and persuade yourself of the veracity of alternative views, at least for a short while. Then approach the challenge at hand with this new perspective. Remember, none of this is easy, but tackling specific assumptions is much easier than trying to change an entire mindset.